Chalant dating: what Taylor Swift can teach us about finding true love
Name: Chalant dating. Age: New as a concept. Chalant sounds familiar, though, also a little bit French, non? Très bien. It’s the opposite of nonchalant
Name: Chalant dating. Age: New as a concept. Chalant sounds familiar, though, also a little bit French, non? Très bien. It’s the opposite of nonchalant, though you won’t find it in the dictionary. A word that exists only in the negative – that’s weird. Not so much. See also disgruntled, impeccable, dejected, gormless, impromptu, ruthless, dishevelled … Yeah OK. Though I quite like the idea of being gruntled. They’re often called “unpaired words” or – more poetically – “lonely negatives.” And applied to dating? Surely lonely and negative are what you’re trying to get away from? It’s all about the approach, the attitude, towards dating, and by extension, perhaps even life.
Non to nonchalant – as in cool, aloof, indifferent … And oui to chalant – being unafraid to tell someone how you feel about them. Says who? For one, Logan Ury, the director of relationship science for the dating app Hinge, which reports a 217% jump in searches for “chalant” last year. And how does Ury define it? She told the New York Times it’s a positive shift “towards people feeling comfortable wearing their passion on their sleeve a bit more and just going after something – and not trying to win that battle of who can care less”. No more waiting three days after the first date to call them?
The three-day rule goes out of the window (and defenestration is another lonely negative, as it happens). Got it. All I need now is a celebrity chalant role model or two. To which I give you Tay-Tay and Trav. Ms Swift and Mr Kelce, who got hitched at the weekend? Well kept up. They’re the embodiment of chalance. And how do they show this? By showing up for each other. He’s been known to join her on stage at her gigs; she’s pretty much an official cheerleader for the Chiefs. It’s easy for them: the whole world knows how they feel about each other.
For the rest of us, chalance may be a bigger step. Life’s too short; go for it. “In a dating world where it feels like no one’s winning, everyone overprotects,” said Matthew Hussey, another dating expert, though he also warns that idealising celebrity couples may lead to disappointment. Do say: “You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess. It’s a love story, baby, just say yes” (Swifties will know what I’m talking about). Don’t say: “I’m fine just being a lonely negative.”
The BriefWire