What end-of-life experts know about living well: love your wrinkles, celebrate birthdays and don’t obsess over work

Published 13 August 2026 · india

We will all face death one day, but our attitude towards this is individual. How can our understanding of mortality shape our approach to life?

We will all face death one day, but our attitude towards this is individual. How can our understanding of mortality shape our approach to life? Here, palliative care doctors and death doulas share what they know about the end – and how it informs the way they live. Prioritise people, not things Dr Rachel Clarke is a palliative care doctor who works at an NHS hospital in Oxfordshire and is the author of several books, including The Story of a Heart. “I have learned what matters to my patients as they approach the end of their life,” says Clarke. “All the irrelevant stuff is stripped away. No one cares about how much power they had, how big their house is, how fancy their car is, how much status they had at work. What they care about is the people they love.” In short: “The way to live a life that is rich and deeply fulfilling is to build human connections. That matters more than anything else.” At the end of life, repairing relationships can be crucial, says Dr David Holland, a palliative care consultant who works in Norfolk. “People tend to have things they want to say, like ‘I’m sorry’, ‘I forgive you’, ‘Forgive me’, ‘I love you’ or ‘Thank you’. Not addressing those unsaid feelings can lead to people having regrets.” Keep work in proportion “If something is important to you, do as much of that as you can,” says Holland. “In my life, I really value what I do for work. It builds me up as a person, knowing that I can have those relationships with people and make a difference to people’s lives. It is a real privilege.” View image in fullscreen ‘If something is important to you, do as much of that as you can.’ Photograph: Piksel/Getty Images; posed by a model But it is important not to get too caught up in your career, says Ruby Love, an end-of-life doula in Bristol. “I’ve never met someone at the end of life who regretted not working more or not earning more money. If we can find a balance between what we need to live on and what we need to be happy, I think that is key.” Know that pleasure isn’t everything “Pleasure is a very superficial experience,” says Clarke. “It can be a distraction: you can eat or drink yourself into a stupor and have a fabulous time doing it, but it isn’t going to give you a sense of fulfilment.” Deeper experiences matter more, she says. “They are the moments of joy, awe and wonder at the world around us.” Be at one with nature Working with people who are dying can be emotionally stressful. Holland finds relief through cultivating a plot of land. “I have always found great interest in wildlife and biodiversity,” he says. “I really enjoy being out in nature and helping things to grow.” Clarke says “The richness of life comes from our relations with other living creatures, human and also non-human.