This is how we do it: ‘If I’m honest, the fact that Thomas was married made it more exciting’

Published 2 August 2026 · india

Vivian, 61 double quotation mark Since menopause and being with Thomas, my interest in sex is much higher “If you don’t use it, you’ll lose

Vivian, 61 double quotation mark Since menopause and being with Thomas, my interest in sex is much higher “If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it,” my sister told me a couple of years after my divorce. “Go and buy a vibrator or something.” It was then, in my mid-50s, that I started masturbating for the first time. I had a sexual awakening: I orgasmed for the first time in my life, started listening to podcasts about sex, and was hornier than I’d ever been. It was around that time that Thomas and I started flirting via texts. If I’m honest, the fact Thomas was still married made it more exciting. I justified it by telling myself that he and his wife hadn’t had sex in years. He told me he had feelings for me, but it was me who made the first move. double quotation mark Our drives probably aren’t that different, but for me, sex is connection and reassurance We first had sex seven months before Thomas eventually separated from his wife. I thought it would be a one-off. I couldn’t imagine us as a couple, but I knew we’d have fun. I’d never been with someone who cared about my pleasure before. In my marriage, sex was boring and vanilla, something we did on a Saturday night. Since menopause and being with Thomas, my interest in sex is much higher. If it were up to me, we’d have sex every other day, but it’s more like twice a week.

Once Thomas has had time to replenish, I’ll say: “It’s been a few days …” But my desire is responsive and I’m not used to being the initiator. Thomas’s libido has declined since we’ve been together, and I worry it will continue to. Our drives probably aren’t that different, but for me, sex is connection and reassurance. When he orgasms, I feel complete. If Thomas initiates, it reassures me that I’m not too old, that I’m still attractive, that he still desires me. Share your experience If you’re keen to talk to us about your sex lives you can get in touch by filling in the form below. It is very important that both sexual partners are happy to participate. Please share your story if you are 18 or over, anonymously if you wish. For more information please see our terms of service and privacy policy Tell us here Your responses, which can be anonymous, are secure as the form is encrypted and only the Guardian has access to your contributions. We will only use the data you provide us for the purpose of the feature and we will delete any personal data when we no longer require it for this purpose. For alternative ways to get in touch securely please see our tips guide First name of partner one First name of partner two Length of relationship Contact number or email address of partner one Please include your country's area code if outside of the UK. Contact number or email address of partner two Please include your country's area code if outside of the UK.