âI was so self-assured in my early 20s. Then my frontal lobe hitâ: Rachel Chinouriri, every pop starâs favourite UK pop star
âShe faced racist bullying as a child â then pigeonholing as an artist. Now following up a hit debut album championed by the A-list, the
âShe faced racist bullying as a child â then pigeonholing as an artist. Now following up a hit debut album championed by the A-list, the Croydon singer-songwriter says she finally understands who she really is In October 2017, Rachel Chinouriri had her first panic attack. It couldnât have come at a worse time. Sheâd just landed her first major gig as a professional musician, supporting Celeste at the London membersâ club Laylow. Out of nowhere, she began to spiral.
âI donât know what happened,â she says. âI just started having a mental breakdown.â Her manager told her to go home, try again next time. But that only made things worse. âI started feeling like I was wasting everyoneâs time,â she says. âI started feeling ashamed.â It would be better, she decided, to go on stage and sing, âhalf cryingâ. Tears were already a familiar response to Chinouririâs performance anxiety: the first time she sang in front of her classmates at the Brit school â the performing arts institution that trained Adele, Amy Winehouse and more â she burst into sobs afterwards.
A rather inconvenient habit for an aspiring pop star, but at least she front-loaded the humiliation at the start of her career. âThat was a big milestone for me,â she says of the Celeste show. âThe fact that I could stand up there completely embarrassed, with people looking at me like, âDonât really know whatâs up with this girlâ, but I still got through it and everything was fine.â The experience taught her that the catastrophic scenarios in her head rarely come to pass.
âIâd given myself this pressure of, âThis is the music industry. If they think Iâm rubbish, Iâm never gonna perform again.ââ Chinouriri rolls her eyes at herself. Continue reading...
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