‘I was in a darker place than I’d ever been. ECT was my only hope’: how Ted Scheinman finally broke through his depression
Troubled from the age of three, by 35 the American journalist viewed himself as ‘the lowest piece of dirt on the Earth’ – and neither
Troubled from the age of three, by 35 the American journalist viewed himself as ‘the lowest piece of dirt on the Earth’ – and neither therapy nor drugs seemed to help. But there was one thing he hadn’t tried … Ted Scheinman can date the origin of his depression with laser accuracy. It was the day he went to the fair, aged three, and returned to his home in upstate New York clutching a Batman toy that he’d won.
In the bathroom, he swooped his new doll over the sink. Scheinman had a vivid imagination; in a few years, he would want to become a playwright. To add sound effects and drama, he turned on the tap. There was a whoosh – and the unthinkable happened. Water landed on Batman’s pristine boot in a darkening, enlarging spot that for young Scheinman triggered several rapid thoughts, the last of them being: “I am going to die.” Now 41, Scheinman, a senior editor at Smithsonian magazine, has written a memoir of his “life as a depressive”.
Jolt: My Electric Journey Out of Darkness charts his path from toddlerhood to the point in 2020, at the age of 35, when he referred himself for electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). By then, he was in “a much darker place” than he had ever been – and regarded himself as “the lowest piece of dirt on the Earth”. The treatment was “not so much a last resort … as my only hope”, he says.
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